hmm...recenlty one of my PRIMARY sch mate, sms me and asked if i had joined the Pri 6 class yahoo grp...

i was like wah?? i din know there is one and wah! primary sch one leh 0.o so surprised...

after that he added me on msn..and we started chatting..then i realised something...they have been going out for gatherings for the past few years since the last gathering i went to ( i think is right after jc?) so anywayz...i was a bit sad that i wasn't informed abt all these...then he told me there will be a gathering coming up soon and asked if i wanna go ...seriously? i dun wan to go...everyone has changed so much...i go there..i dunno who to hang out with anymore..but he seems very enthu abt it so i was like.." sure if i can find time off work" <<-- lame excuse..

after tt i joined the yahoo grp...gosh..i wish i nv did..i wish i wasn't informed of all these..i wish he nv managed to find me...i feel like i have missed out so much from the rest...like i have been living in a deserted island and suddenly rescued back to civilisation...but i have gotten so used to being on that island..i can't fit in...as i was reading their past msgs..i feel so sad..so sad till i almost cried out...i feel so out of touch with their world but all along they have been keeping in contact when i tot EVERYONE was like me..all have lost contact?! argh...

i dunno how to express wad i reallie feel..but i am kinda pissed too that they actuallie FORGOT to add me in the yahoo grp till now? i mean that's like...3-4 years?! wtf -.- angry sia...seriously i dun feel like going to the gathering but does that mean i am gonna let myself lost contact w them all over again? i dunno....i reallie dun...somehow i wanna keep in contact..but yet feel like strangers with them..=( help! i dunno wad to do...

i left a msg in the yahoo grp..like hmm...3 ppl responded...how kind -.- and i even have one classmate who kept my letter from 1997! wahhhh 10 years sia...dam cool~ brings back fond memories...=) but it ends there...i dun reallie wanna go see these ppl..i can alr IMAGINE the awkwardness of not meeting for so long...cos they still kept in contact so they prob wun feel the weirdness..but i can! ewwwwwwww...ok...i think i am not going!

ladies and gentlemen...i have made a big decision ytd to go sign up for body perfect ie slimming program!

hmmm...well...b4 i went for the consultation i was still telling myself...u must walk out of there "alive" and not be conned into spending money....but well...=\ i am sucker at rejecting ppl...reallie...esp when it's sth that i wan badly~~!arghh...stoopid me...

anywayz...i have reallie given this some tot...i mean...vanity is one thing..having more confidence is another...i dunno how to be confident if i am not confident w the way i look...yaya..self confidence not onli depends on looks..but hey...when u have no looks AND no special skills, wad's there to be confident abt?! i just wanna wear a sleeveless for once and not feel so inferior in it~my onli worry is it wun be effective =( ..boo...ppl who ain't fat aren't gonna get how i feel..seriously...besides...you can onli be young this once..i dun wanna live it in regret..money can always be earned..at most i cut down on shopping and expensive food~ i will survive...beautifully~

yay~ i just made a cake today..but b4 i can take a pic of it..my mum cut it up =\ booo...anywayz it doesn't look very appealing..but it actuallie tastes not bad! heehee..actuallie baking is so fun~ but the cleaning up isn't -.- maybe if i have interest in this, i can start thinking of doing it as my career?? muahahha...i dunno..still exploring wad i like to do...either i continue to be stuck at my current job, or i take up sth tt is totallie not related...like baking or make up artist?? hehehe...
looking forward to my next break from work..which is on 30 apr...sounds near..but seems so faraway to me...zzz..i hate work~!

have u ever had a dream..tt feels sooooo real..u almost believed it happened..?i can still rem every little details...the body warmth of the ppl in the dream...it feels so real, i felt "unreal" when i woke up...i wish it reallie happened..*wry smile* i think it's just the time of the month..i am getting emotional over nothing...but whenever i think abt the dream, my heart aches...

recently..the image of me smoking kept appearing in my mind...ppl who know me shld know how much i loathe smokers...the fact tt i am picturing myself smoking is scaring me...i feel reallie lost and i dunno wad caused this...i am a little worried...

self esteem has reached a new low...i feel fat and useless..=(

hmm..some tots tt i feel like saying out loud...

well..i am..and have always been a little disgusted with the way 2 of my frenz are behaving..like they are two freaking twins...i admit...it is a good feeling to be very close to someone and know that u can depend on that person whenever u need help etc..but their closeness has reached a stage where i find it revolting...is it possible that one day they can learn to be independent of each other...? and be on their own?
ever since jc, uni, now work..they have always been sticking together...it gets to a point when it's just too much! maybe it's reallie like fated for them to be stuck together..?i dunno...but ewww..i cannot take it..
excuse me?? dun u all have an identity of ur own?how can 2 ppl stick to each other like glue?? i cannot stand it..call me sour grapes or wadever lah..but seriously..i think they need to stop living in their own world...hello? du li yi dian hao ma??
there was a time when i tot i have gotten used to it..but i realised it is just that i chose to ignore this...cos everytime i think of it...they disgust me...so much so that i dun wanna be ard them at all...being close is fine, being close till u have no identity? i cannot deal with that...i feel like the two of them have become an entity..not 2 separate ppl...ewww...the sheer tot of it...gross...
maybe..just maybe i am jealous..how come they always have company in wadever they did? for me..i have always been alone...always...since pri sch, i went to my sec sch alone...from sec to jc, also alone...from jc to uni's course, alone...from uni to work, ALONE...everytime, my good frenz will end up in the same sch or course..always me alone...i dunno if that's called independent? or no choice? hmmm...but i have alr gotten used to doing things on my own, being on my own...in fact i ENJOY this feeling of being alone...which is why i can't stand it when the 2 of them are always doing things TOGETHER...omg...pls...get a life of ur own...they dropped f maths together, went to acc together, took the same classes, went for the same electives, took up the same job, ended up in the same dept...ewwwwww...maybe it's just me..but i cannot stand it...cannot at all...

The Phantom of the Opera~



Venue: Esplanade Date: 1 April 2007 Time:2.oopm

The 2nd musical i am gonna watch...
actuallie i wasn't very enthusiatic about it at first...all the way till we actuallie sat down..then i finally got into the mood of watching it...

b4 this, i have actuallie watched the movie a few years ago (if anyone rems)...so the story line is more and less still inside my mind...starting scene...the auction..
when i saw the monkey musical box, i was like wow...i reallie feel like i was brought back to that time...i dunno why..but i felt a sudden familiarity (guess it's the movie?) everything was like wad i remembered from the movie...when the cloth covering the chandelier was lifted, the music started playing..wah i got goosebumps from it...i was like reallie so "touched" i can't find a better word for that emotion at the moment..but i was reallie like...close to tears...errr..i dunno why..i guess it was mainly the music...it was well...for a lack of better word, cool~ =)
i guess the start was rather impressive..and as the chandelier got lifted up, we were brought back to the past...

the next scene shows their rehearsal of the play they are gonna perform... there's this prop, an elephant...when they turned it ard, there were 2 ppl inside playing poker..haha..down to every nitty gritty details..

i reallie like the songs...made me so tempted to go buy the CD..hehe..the props are also very impressive...i wonder how they did that...=) the candles on the floor, the boat, all the little things...very cool~

at the end, i nearly cried for the phantom...he is not evil or bad..but just someone whose love was unrequited...

they definitely deserve the applause...i guess this is the moment they live for, the applause and appreciation of the effort they have put in...*clap clap*

ok..i was a little put off by ppl who fell aslp..i was like...? excuse me?? maybe not everyone can fully appreciate the beauty of it...?i dunno...and there was a couple in front of me...making out -.- i was so disgusted by that...get a motel ppl...seriously..it gets a little distracting..if u dun respect it, then dun watch it..