Sunday, July 29, 2007

ytd went "yum cha" with my family...my treat =D

quite enjoyable..been a long time since we reallie sat down and enjoyed a meal together...everyone has been so caught up in our own world..esp me and my sis i guess...reallie shld spend more time w my parents...

anywayz..i wanted to take photos of the food..but i was so engrossed in EATING..i totallie forgot abt taking photos..the food was not bad =p..costs abt 18 bucks per person after adding in all the service charge and gst crap..ok lahz..at least the food was nice =) i reallie like the shark fin xiao long bao..yum~

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

before everyone starts to think that i am going craziee..

today @ work was slightly better...i din have as much queries..i hope everyday will be like today or better...hmm...a large part is maybe cos my mood has improved..u know when u are having that thing..can get overly emotional -.- i dunno..

but ytd b4 we went for the "dinner" at fullerton..sth happened at work..hmm..honestly..i think the fault is not mine..cos i reallie am not familiar w the thing..and i just did wad i was told step by step..hmm..so i was a little upset that she made it sound like my fault..becos i nv asked to DO that particular thing..is cos she told me i shld be doing it so i did it and i was given the wrong info when i spoke to that client...hai~and i reallie follow step by step exactly wad i was told...in the end..everyone tot it was my fault..i am not trying to push the blame..if u were in my shoes..u will understand wad i mean...i felt so yuan wang..but can't speak up for myself cos i will sound like an ingrate..so i just sit there while they "discuss" the problem...the wei qu part is..i reallie think is not my fault..=\ not a good idea to work w ur fren..it has its pros but definitely have cons too... but i think i was a bit too harsh in the previous post...she is really doing her best to help me =p i shld reallie be appreciative~~
aiya...anw the pb still said it's ok to make mistakes...and i was like 0.o wah...so "nice" ah? i tot i was gonna get it...hahha..but today i think i came close to getting it...hahhaa..cos she ask me qn and i was like "?" hahaa...luckily in the end i got wad she is asking..i can onli say she reallie needs some time to warm up ba..she's reallie not very frenly...esp to the newbies..i pass her things ah...she like snatch it out of my hands 0.o rude.
dun care le lahz...altho i still dun like that place..i will try to survive and fit in...=)

Monday, July 23, 2007

当生活没有意义,活着与否似乎也变不重要。。。
WORK...

once again i am here to bitch abt my work -.- after 2 weeks and 1 day there at the new place...i feel...horrible~ dun like the ppl..dun like the work...i even dun like how the air smells on that floor...=( then i looked at last yr's july entries...and i realised..i was bitching abt work @ pwc! hahahaha...the irony...yes..i know...it takes time to adapt again..but it reallie doesn't help when the ppl here aren't so frenly u know...thinking of the old witch i am helping...omg..i can go on for days abt her..-.-

she is obviously good in wad she does..i respect tt...but honestly...i think she shld keep her temper in check...she's freaking 59~ wad if she bursts a blood vessel or sth 0.0..ok fine..she hasn't exactly blown her top AT me...i have just witnessed a little of wad she is like when she is "not in a good mood" today...honestly..i was more disgusted than scared..she's quite unreasonable sometimes...i dunno how to describe it..but i dun like the way she treats her staff..they are HELPING u..not ur bloody slaves -.-

why am i so pissed w her? cos she treats me like i am invisible most of the time...she sits diagonally in front of me...my fren behind me..she can shout across ME to tell my fren to tell ME abt sth...WAD AM I? A WALL??wtf?! nvm...today she was a "bit" better..got call my name, she almost got the pronounciation right...almost...congratualations *claps*, talked to me like 2 sentences..hooray i shld start buying TOTO..wad the fuck is so difficult to pronounce abt my name btw?? she is a fucking chinese no? so full of shit! the other ger who came in w me is called jia hui..she can't get both names right..come out from her mouth, both sounds the same...is she bloody stupid or wad?she say her clients will have problem ok lah..i can understand..she also has prob?she is not the onli one apparently...even tho most of the pb can speak chinese..they can't pronounce my name properly...NONE pronounced it correctly and i can't be bothered to correct them reallie..dun wanna waste my breath on smart asses who think they are too good for chinese names -.- the way they joked abt my name..IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL..bunch of bitches..wait till one day I joke abt ur names...how abt tt?? if u can't get it right, then put in MORE effort...dun treat it like a joke..it's disrespectful and makes me wonder if she has just wasted the air and space for the last 59 years..

one thing i am kinda "pissed" is why must I be the one to help her??why ME? why didn't they assign me to the other new pb?? i would not have regretted my decision as much if tt's the case...i am a little disgruntled that my fren din actuallie mention this fact tt i am gonna be assigned to this witch!..felt a little betrayed..a little...nonetheless she is helping in all the way she can in my work..and i appreciate tt..so thank you for the help~(honestly she wun be seeing this as she dun have the habit of reading her frens' blogs at all -.-) but well..still wanna say ty lah...i know i have been quite a nuisance...bugging her every like 10 mins -.-but reallie takes time to get the hang of things..esp these things..i am so unfamiliar w the things i am doing =( i literally threw away all my banking knowledge the minute i stepped out of the exam hall for my last paper~

hai~..VERY unhappie everyday..u know the feeling of dreading to go to work??? i nv dread going to work at pwc even tho the work isn't exceptionally fun...but i have nv DREAD going...at most i grumble a little abt waking early ...but tt's part and parcel of working life..i accept tt..now..even tho i get to wake slightly later..i dun feel happier..i feel so miserable these days...i literally drag myself out of the door..i dread of facing the ppl there...i dread of the work waiting for me..i dread to hear phone ringing...i dread to think of lunch..(cos ade always eat w her classmates and i feel like a super outsider if i join them..and i dun like the feeling of like forcing myself onto others..actuallie real frenz shldn't be so ke qi..but it's just me..i am "ke qi" to almost everyone..i dun like to feel like i am a "burden")..the onli time i look forward to is GOING HOME..not even lunch lehz...tt's reallie saying sth...

sometimes it may sound like i am just picturing myself in the worst scenario and exaggerating the situation..but i reallie am not...last time, i look forward to lunch, i look forward to the gossipy hour after lunch...now...i look forward to the END of lunch..2 hours lunch w no internet and msn sux to the CORE...have u tried that?? have u tried being cut off from the rest of the world and having no one but ur colleagues whom u are not shou with to talk to ?? it sux...which is why i DUN talk..not kidding..i can sit there all the way till lunch without speaking a word unless someone asks me sth or i have to answer phone call...i am alr an introvert...now becoming a hermit lo -.-

u all may think that i have a fren there..things shld be fine..."ha.ha"...trust me..it's not.. i dunno is she dun reallie get the idea that i am NEW there and seriously know no one else except her to lunch with or she thinks i have SOOOO many frenz i can lunch w everyday?sometimes...i actuallie blame her...blame her for ever asking me...i know i shld be grateful...i know....but i still can't help myself..i keep thinking...IF...if i din leave, i would still be slogging in pwc no doubt..but slogging happily...no worries during lunch tt i will have no one to eat with...(does anyone actuallie understands the true agony of having no lunch kakis??got one day i actuallie have no one to eat w..lucky yz was in office...if not i have to pack and eat alone in office..it's very ke lian u know...i feel pity for myself..reallie) ..sometimes i reallie wonder if working w a good fren is a wise choice...i think it tends to strain the r/ship..like got one day i did sth wrong..(it was very minor)..she could have just not mention it when the pb who interviewed me ask me how are things...i mean..if it can be avoided..then DUN mention it..it reallie looks bad on me...u know??first impressions sometimes last very long...and ppl tend to rem the bad things longer than the good...understand how i feel? i feel like i was being betrayed literally...yes lah...probably she din feel there's anything wrong at all...cos she is more shou w them..but i am not leh...hai~ duno how to say..

i regret every min my decision u know? every min! wad better future? crap..yes yes working in banks reallie helps if you are reallie ambitious..and wanna go up the corporate ladder..but me? i am just a simple girl who wants a simple and stable life...now after trying out...it all becomes clear to me..i just want stability! something a bank can't give...there's so much uncertainties..i start to worry abt my increment...will i get much? if i stayed in pwc, i can get 3.7 by the 3rd yr..and come to think of it...i doubt i will get tt much here...seeing how niao that pb is...i dun think my increment will be much...reallie =\ can onli pray the bonus will compensate it...hai~ increment is always better than bonus lo...once it increased, they cannot say they wanna pay lesser next time but bonus is variable...get my drift?

but i shld stop thinking of the "what ifs"...cos even if i DO go back pwc...everything would have changed cos i DID leave them...it will be a different feeling i think...hai~regret regret regret..
stupid me...i dunno if i made that decision on impulse anot? no one realie offered any suggestions to me..all just ask me to decide on my own..i guess i was wrong..i tried listing out the pros and cons...but sometimes..one pro or one con can outweigh the others...why din i see that b4? why was i so stupidly into finding a "better" future?? is this a better future?? until now..i dunno wad i wan..i miss my stable life..i miss my pwc frenz..even if u compare work..the work in bank is more stressful..in fact it's very stressful NOW cos i have NO clue and everyday i face those papers w no idea how to go abt starting on them..CAN'T THEY TELL?? i NEED HELP...bank's work can't wait u know...one day might be measured in thousands..tax? there's always extensions..haha..aiya..forget it..i dun wan to compare..it just hurts more..call me no ambition..but i reallie dun like stress..i like a more carefree life..anywayz not like i going home very early u know..i am going at 7 these days...cos too much shit to clear, too much things to learn and remember.

one reason why i feel so resentful..cos no one seems to reallie understand how i feel...everyone keeps telling me...it will get better...it will..but how am i gonna pass the time in between now and the "getting better"..it's tough..maybe i am reallie one of those "strawberries" ( otherwise known as cao3 mei2 zu2 in chinese) very fragile and vulnerable..bump a bit spoil, squeeze a bit dent...i cannot take hardship..i admit..i am on the verge of crying everyday at work cos there's so much to do and so little time (we have time limit till mkt close) and i am reallie not familiar w the operations of things..u understand the agony and torture of doing sth that u have no idea wad it is abt?!?! DO U??????

i can conclude banking is NOT my thing..reallie..wad interest rates and exchange rates and shit..who cares?!?! i reallie dun...i have no interest..but they will become part of my life..in fact they SHLD alr be part of my life..disgusting..maybe i shld just go and open a shop on my own next time..when i earn enough tt is..hai~ very depressed...will i go crazy one of these days?! i am on the verge of trying to kill myself soon...it's getting scary..i feel so alone...so abandoned..and so mis-understood..so neglected...

ok..i think i typed a lot...as i typed out..i actuallie cried out too..maybe it's a good way of relieving stress...but as time ticks away..i reallie dread the start of tml..tml got a dinner thingy for the whole company..apparently they will say all the new joiners' names and we have to stand up one by one and receive the "applause" given..crap.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

My last week @ PwC.. (including 1st anniversary of Working life)~

well..my anniversary is actuallie on 3rd july..but this week i have been so busy this week so onli now do i have the time to settle down and write a little on this...

hee..well..my 1st anniversary sorta passed in a flash...went to eat steamboat buffet with ee and yz at hotel royal..(not nice -.-) the dinner was disappointing but nonetheless got to meet up w yz and ee...seems like quite sometime since we reallie met and sit down for a small chat..=) so was kinda happie abt that..

that was also the first time i met tianyun's bf, delanny (i hope i spelt it right)..hee..just when i am leaving..suddenly feel like i am bonding better than ever w the ppl there...that day susan (one of the administators) came and chit chat w me and asked me why i am leaving etc..then jeanie yang also chap in halfway..it's weird..cos when i was there for the whole year..i seldom talk to them..at most is those hi, bye kinda shit..but...well..i guess when u are leaving, ppl starts to treat u differently =\

anywayz, main point is i have worked for ONE whole bloody year!!! actuallie it feels longer than that..perhaps due to the amount of work load...since jan i haven been going home at a decent time..until recently when i know for sure i am leaving, i have been going home at 6+..otherwise, it's mainly 7+, 8 and those horrible days of 9+10 at the beginning of the year..those were the days man...

anywayz this whole week i have been eating like a pig!! tues lunch aglio olio, steamboat dinner, wed lunch had ramen, thurs lunch curry rice, thurs night tony roma's, fri lunch sakae sushi, fri night zhi cha!! omg...SO MUCH FOOD...=( i feel bloody fat!

hee...i felt my whole week was packed w activities...hee..tues night go for anniversary celebration (yay!), wed night went to watch transformers w bao and yz...thurs night went tony roma's w my p&g team + chiam~ and i had no time to pack my things and it's friday!! =.=

anywayz..on thurs went suntec's tony roma's for dinner w them...sat ros' car there..(a little bit of awkward silence..somehow i tink she wanted to fetch ty instead..but welllll..ahahha...actuallie i din reallie talk much at the dinner...nothing to reallie talk to them abt..and when they asked me for a speech i was like "..." hehe...dunno wad to say lahz..so after that we went ben and jerry's...-.- actuallie the whole thing was just abt seow, ty and ros..onli the 3 of them talking..and i was like just hmm..kinda bored..=p and i onli knew that day tt danwei lives so freaking near me 0.o hahha..

FRIDAY - LAST DAY@ WORK...

boohoo...yesterday was my last day at work...i spent my whole day running up and down the building..trying to get ppl to sign that bloody clearance list -.- horrible thing to do...but it's cool in a way cos i nv go to some of the floors and dept b4...=p lunch went w sharon wang and ty to sakae...sharon's treat! (thank you sharon!)

well...finally handed over my seagate (GOODBYE!) and my P&G..a little sad but tt's wad it's abt isn't it? haha..anywayz i spent my last few days "guiding" the new A1 abt P&G stuffs..sometimes i wonder if i was like her when i just came?..someone tells u sth but the next min u forget..but i can distinctly rem wad i told her...i guess tt's wad snr feels like ( it's a good feeling) hahaha..well..i wun get to experience that anymore..

at 4+, li wen they all came to gimme my farewell gift, i saw the BIGGEST GG5 paper bag...inside is a bag =) kinda surprised they got me sth from GG5...happie happie..and they wrote me a card...altho they started with almost the same line of "can't believe u are leaving", the content was all very sweet and full of fond memories..i reallie like to receive cards w content...=D

but wad reallie surprised me were the 2 VTs, of which one i nv even worked with b4! they gave me a little farewell present too =) i think it's reallie sweet!! it's reallie the tot that counts sometimes =)

then ros they all gave me my first real branded present! a TIFFANY necklace~ *eyes sparkle* haha...but i reallie reallie din expect tt lahz..(no wonder ty said i will love my present)..it's a pretty heart necklace =) they also wrote me a card...omg..stupid ros ask me to read it in front of them..(cos she knew i would cry!! she knew it and asked me to read on purpose! grrr) true enough, just read like 2 lines...tears start to gather =.= so i closed the card but the tears still flowed..but no where near as dramatic as it was when i first told ros the news..=p so anywayz it was photo taking session..


CK, me, Ros


ros and me~


me and my lovely neighbour, STY..hehe
(see my necklace?? =p)


Ros, me and STY...oh man i am gonna miss them lots =(


My P&G team (w/o KEL =\)


Me and Sharon Chiam =)


me and shidah =)


my fave gossiping kakis! i will miss all the bitching at work~


my lunch kakis!! i will miss them lots too! =(

i spent such a long time packing my crap =.= in the end i have 4 big bags -.- luckily, chiam was there to help me carry them down =p... i have only been there for a year and i have so much rubbish..haha..and sorrie ty, i forgot to leave tuxedo sam to keep u company =(


well..i have officially left PwC..who knows..maybe one day i will return...who knows...but anywayz..monday will be the start of my new job..hopefully things will be well and all...*looking forward to the future*