since monday i have been having headache ..dunno is it a psychological thing cos i have this super pain ulcer near my wisdom tooth..SUPER pain lo!..so pain that it affects my brain..*talking rubbish* but reallie...very miserable at work...i can't even eat or talk properly...suffering in silence...hai~
actuallie ytd i was kinda upset..felt so outcasted @ work...it's like we had this "connect session" for the whole dept..so after that we went to for receiption..then i dunno lehz..dunno it's unintentionally or wad...my colleagues will stick together..like at first i was walking with one of them..and she spotted the rest at the back, she din even tell me then she just went over to join them..and left me alone there..like so off lo..so i also walked over lah..but the feeling is like..they dun reallie care whether i got join them anot..like i am not part of the grp ( but technically we are always together in that grp la)..hai~ very sad..then nvm..i went to look for some of the A2s i will be sitting with during DnD..but they also like talk among themselves..depressing..this is wad will happen at the DnD? i have to entertain myself throughout that night? T_T such a depressing tot..hai~after that..i went back to join my fellow A1s..then realise they are talking abt the dance pract they will be going later in the day ..then they started talking about the dance instructors etc...i was totallie blur..and sometimes when they leave and rejoin the grp, they will form a circle and i will be out of it...like so mean lo...>_< maybe i reallie dun have enough presence..it's like whether i am there anot, they can't even feel it...feel so neglected..so i went home with a horrible mood...wallowing in self pity..hai~
then this morning..i decided to pon work for the first time...partly cos the ulcer is reallie excruciatingly pain and secondly i dun reallie feel like seeing my colleagues...especially one of them...i somehow feel that she dun like me lo..if given a choice, maybe she rather go lunch alone than eat alone with me that kinda thing..i rem that time after gym, she told me she was going somewhere else..but who knows..while walking to the platform at dhoby ghaut, i saw her in front on the travelator..she lied so she dun have to go home with me~ such a bitch~ it pisses me off just thinking about it..
somehow i always feel that i dun leave an impact in ppl's lives, with or without me will not make much of a diff to ppl..maybe i just have this face that can be easily forgotten..i dunno..or just no strong personality i guess...=\ sadz~
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